Chorus
On The Rim Of The Visible World We Go
On The Rim Of The Visible World We Go
On The Rim Of The Visible World We Go
On The Rim Of The Visible World We Go
Verse 1
A Great Cathedral In The Sky
A Sanctuary that's always Open
Grandpa Lighting Up Our Eyes
Telling Stories While Our Worlds Unfolding
Chorus
On The Rim Of The Visible World We Go
On The Rim Of The Visible World We Go
On The Rim Of The Visible World We Go
On The Rim Of The Visible World We Go
Verse 2
Beyond The Window I See Light
And A Promise Of A Place Unbroken
Skip The Rock it's Gonna Fly
Listen To The Whispered Songs Of Morning
Chorus
On The Rim Of The Visible World We Go
On The Rim Of The Visible World We Go
On The Rim Of The Visible World We Go
On The Rim Of The Visible World We Go
Chorus
On The Rim Of The Visible World We Go
On The Rim Of The Visible World We Go
On The Rim Of The Visible World We Go
Four Our God
Need No Lesser
Cathedral
Some days, we need to remember we are just in the brink of something great. Today I choose, and tomorrow I will choose to live life on the edge of this world. Will you?
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
Christmas ... the craziest story every told!
There are some years that are more richer than poorer, that are more joyful than sorrowful, that are filled with more happiness than pain. This hasn't been one of those years for me.
I have felt more alone than connected, I have been more sorrowful than joyful, and I have felt poorer than richer many days. This has defiantly changed who I am during this holiday season. I have seen myself pull away from many things, including Christ at many parts during this past year.
My advent reflections did not go as planned this year. I wanted to really dive deep into the gospels and see if I could find a new revelation this year; that didn't happen. Today I was chatting with B, and it hit me how amazing this whole thing was!
Think about the wise men. These guys traveled for weeks, months, or maybe even years to find the Christ child. They brought with them the most precious gifts of their lands. If we take this forward into our culture of 2009 (almost 2010), what does that look like. Its like getting some of the wisest Senators and MP's together, sending them out with some of the most precious things our nation produces, and finding some kid in the slums of Africa after following a light in the sky for who knows how long.
How can you think this is wise! I guess it just blows my mind that someone would be willing to obey God that blindly.
Or what about Joseph. He is engaged to this beautiful women (at the very least she was attractive in some way to him) and out of the blue she gets knocked up ... and you know it wasn't you. Can you imagine going into the Gallelee Carpenters Union 9924 and telling the guys that " .. my fiancee is knocked up .."
Year in and year out I have heard this story before opening presents and it sounds so pleasant. Jesus was born in a manger *cue the young girls "awwww'ing"*. It really isn't that cute! I think that over time I have become so comfortable with God being born in this way that I have made it sound almost nostalgic to me. But not this year.
Tomorrow morning when I wake up and we read the Christmas story, I will not be thinking about the gifts that I am giving my parents, or the swag I will be getting, or how nice it was that Jesus was born. I will be considering how Jesus was born in the slummy part of Bethlehem, how hurt must have Joseph been when he first heard that his wife was pregnant - and it not being his, and how wonderful that even though Joseph was human he forgave Mary and loved this child.
May God bring you into a new appreciation of Christs birth this year - in whatever shape or form it comes in.
I have felt more alone than connected, I have been more sorrowful than joyful, and I have felt poorer than richer many days. This has defiantly changed who I am during this holiday season. I have seen myself pull away from many things, including Christ at many parts during this past year.
My advent reflections did not go as planned this year. I wanted to really dive deep into the gospels and see if I could find a new revelation this year; that didn't happen. Today I was chatting with B, and it hit me how amazing this whole thing was!
Think about the wise men. These guys traveled for weeks, months, or maybe even years to find the Christ child. They brought with them the most precious gifts of their lands. If we take this forward into our culture of 2009 (almost 2010), what does that look like. Its like getting some of the wisest Senators and MP's together, sending them out with some of the most precious things our nation produces, and finding some kid in the slums of Africa after following a light in the sky for who knows how long.
How can you think this is wise! I guess it just blows my mind that someone would be willing to obey God that blindly.
Or what about Joseph. He is engaged to this beautiful women (at the very least she was attractive in some way to him) and out of the blue she gets knocked up ... and you know it wasn't you. Can you imagine going into the Gallelee Carpenters Union 9924 and telling the guys that " .. my fiancee is knocked up .."
Year in and year out I have heard this story before opening presents and it sounds so pleasant. Jesus was born in a manger *cue the young girls "awwww'ing"*. It really isn't that cute! I think that over time I have become so comfortable with God being born in this way that I have made it sound almost nostalgic to me. But not this year.
Tomorrow morning when I wake up and we read the Christmas story, I will not be thinking about the gifts that I am giving my parents, or the swag I will be getting, or how nice it was that Jesus was born. I will be considering how Jesus was born in the slummy part of Bethlehem, how hurt must have Joseph been when he first heard that his wife was pregnant - and it not being his, and how wonderful that even though Joseph was human he forgave Mary and loved this child.
May God bring you into a new appreciation of Christs birth this year - in whatever shape or form it comes in.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Passion
Over the past week I have been blessed to be around people again. I attended a Christmas party at A's house that his parents were hosting. It was first of all great to see him. Due to how busy both of us have been this semester, we have not really gotten a chance to see him at all, so for the first 1 or 2 hours of the party we relocated ourselves into the basement and just chatted. It was so great to just connect with him again and to "just be".
Following this, he was obliged to go upstairs and to visit with the guests. Eventually I made my way up there and chatted with some of the guests. As the night was coming to a close I sat down in an easy chair and had a discussion with of the guests, L. I had never talked to him, and before this day he was only known as "the man upstairs", as A and his family lived in L's house during the construction of A's new one.
When the conversation got down to just L and I, his first question to me was "What is your passion?"
I was completely caught off guard by this as it isn't a typical question for people to ask, much less ask as the first question to you. Generally you get asked something along the lines of "What do you do?", or "Where are you from?". I can only imagine the shock and awe I showed on my face when he asked me that, but after composing myself I answered him with "Food" - and of course my face was absolutely beaming. As we continued to talk I expanded on my passions and on what I did, and how different they are.
Being an engineer, and loving food. The clash of two worlds in my books. It is almost as if I am two different people sometimes. I love the creation, the lack of structure, the ability to just make things work in the kitchen; yet when I leave, I find I leave that spontaneity behind.
While L and I conversed I wondered why I had separated myself from what I do love. Why am I in engineer, why am I not pursuing my passions?
I make excuses for what I do all of the time. I don't have the money, I am in debt too much, I don't have the time, I don't ... I don't ... I don't ...
I am unsure of what is the right path for me, or even where this path I am on is leading me. I hope that in the coming months I open up to new idea, and stop stonewalling myself. But most of all, I need to be sensitive to where God is leading me, and to where his plan for my lays. God Bless, and good night.
Following this, he was obliged to go upstairs and to visit with the guests. Eventually I made my way up there and chatted with some of the guests. As the night was coming to a close I sat down in an easy chair and had a discussion with of the guests, L. I had never talked to him, and before this day he was only known as "the man upstairs", as A and his family lived in L's house during the construction of A's new one.
When the conversation got down to just L and I, his first question to me was "What is your passion?"
I was completely caught off guard by this as it isn't a typical question for people to ask, much less ask as the first question to you. Generally you get asked something along the lines of "What do you do?", or "Where are you from?". I can only imagine the shock and awe I showed on my face when he asked me that, but after composing myself I answered him with "Food" - and of course my face was absolutely beaming. As we continued to talk I expanded on my passions and on what I did, and how different they are.
Being an engineer, and loving food. The clash of two worlds in my books. It is almost as if I am two different people sometimes. I love the creation, the lack of structure, the ability to just make things work in the kitchen; yet when I leave, I find I leave that spontaneity behind.
While L and I conversed I wondered why I had separated myself from what I do love. Why am I in engineer, why am I not pursuing my passions?
I make excuses for what I do all of the time. I don't have the money, I am in debt too much, I don't have the time, I don't ... I don't ... I don't ...
I am unsure of what is the right path for me, or even where this path I am on is leading me. I hope that in the coming months I open up to new idea, and stop stonewalling myself. But most of all, I need to be sensitive to where God is leading me, and to where his plan for my lays. God Bless, and good night.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Friends, and friends friends
Two blogs in one day, I know, it is something that has not been seen on one my blogs in a VERY long time, but I felt that they deserved to be seperated.
Over the past few days I have been blessed to commune with friends that I have known, and friends who are new.
Last week was a very hard week. Work was more taxing than normal, with later nights than I was generally used to putting in; but with deadlines and quotas that had to be met, I buckled down and got my work done. I walked around the office with an aggrivated aggression in my step. I scowled more than I smiled, and if 5 words would sufficiently answer a question I would use 2. I think you get the picture of what kind of painful week it was. I however had a light at the end of the tunnel one of my best friends was throwing a Christmas party for a bunch of her friends and so I had something to look forward to on Friday night.
When I left work on Friday, the snow blowing all around me, I was tired and I did seriously consider not attending this little shin-dig that B was putting on. Fortunatly I did not follow through with my initial feelings, and did end up going to this party.
Being my anal-retentive self I left my house with plenty of time to spare so that I did not get caught in the blizzard that was now full upon us. I did make it there with plenty of time to spare, and I pitched in to help with the final party preperations. It was great to just be around people. I didn't have a looming deadline, I didn't need to put on a face and pretend that everything was alright, I also didn't need to over react to things. I was able to just exist.
As the more and more people showed up I talked less and less and I just watched people more and more. It was great. One of my favorite past times. I could listen in on one group for a bit, then listen in on another. I would make eye contact with someone else when a joke was made, or when we observed someone else doing something totally off the wall. It was absolutly splended!
During this early part of the evening I was able to chat with our host of the evening, B. It had seemed like forever since we had actually talked more than a few sentances outside of texting (my last instant messaging vice which I am retaining). So it was great to spend some time - although limited due to her hosting responsibilities.
At this point in the evening I met someone new - something that doesn't always bode well for me. It was great to just talk and talk and talk with someone, who for tonight will be reffered to as M. Topics in the evening ranged from Godly order in churches, to Feminism, from favorite/dispise words to careers. The only thing I can say about the time I spent talking with M, was that it was wonderful.
As my weekend progressed I ran around a bunch with many different activities. My parents were in town so time was also spent with them.
As yesterday (Tuesday) finally rolled around, I remembered that I had an errand to run, so after work I drove over to B's house to pass on a book I had promised to loan her (Reaching Out by Henri Nouwen ... which is a spectacular book). Sadly she had not arrived home from work yet, but her very nice and accomidating roommate H was there and welcomed me in for a cup of tea. Although I didn't get my cup of tea (which was 150% okay), I did spend an hour just chatting.
I don't know what it is about me recently, but thats all I have seemed to want to do. As I waited to see B, H and I talked about failed relationships, and what we expected out of future ones. We talked about our futures and our callings, and just shared life.
I guess that living alone - contrary to my previous blog - has its disadvantages. I no longer have these moments with a roommate, and since my instant messaging days have been put to the side, I am feeling more and more isolated.
So who knows who will be the next victum of my desire to share life with, I sure don't. But one thing I do know, is that in the coming days and weeks I am sure I will find out more wonderful things about my friends, and hopefully meet some people who I don't even know yet.
So I put up my glass, and cheers the world, for tommorrow is a new day, and I will be sure to have another adventure.
Over the past few days I have been blessed to commune with friends that I have known, and friends who are new.
Last week was a very hard week. Work was more taxing than normal, with later nights than I was generally used to putting in; but with deadlines and quotas that had to be met, I buckled down and got my work done. I walked around the office with an aggrivated aggression in my step. I scowled more than I smiled, and if 5 words would sufficiently answer a question I would use 2. I think you get the picture of what kind of painful week it was. I however had a light at the end of the tunnel one of my best friends was throwing a Christmas party for a bunch of her friends and so I had something to look forward to on Friday night.
When I left work on Friday, the snow blowing all around me, I was tired and I did seriously consider not attending this little shin-dig that B was putting on. Fortunatly I did not follow through with my initial feelings, and did end up going to this party.
Being my anal-retentive self I left my house with plenty of time to spare so that I did not get caught in the blizzard that was now full upon us. I did make it there with plenty of time to spare, and I pitched in to help with the final party preperations. It was great to just be around people. I didn't have a looming deadline, I didn't need to put on a face and pretend that everything was alright, I also didn't need to over react to things. I was able to just exist.
As the more and more people showed up I talked less and less and I just watched people more and more. It was great. One of my favorite past times. I could listen in on one group for a bit, then listen in on another. I would make eye contact with someone else when a joke was made, or when we observed someone else doing something totally off the wall. It was absolutly splended!
During this early part of the evening I was able to chat with our host of the evening, B. It had seemed like forever since we had actually talked more than a few sentances outside of texting (my last instant messaging vice which I am retaining). So it was great to spend some time - although limited due to her hosting responsibilities.
At this point in the evening I met someone new - something that doesn't always bode well for me. It was great to just talk and talk and talk with someone, who for tonight will be reffered to as M. Topics in the evening ranged from Godly order in churches, to Feminism, from favorite/dispise words to careers. The only thing I can say about the time I spent talking with M, was that it was wonderful.
As my weekend progressed I ran around a bunch with many different activities. My parents were in town so time was also spent with them.
As yesterday (Tuesday) finally rolled around, I remembered that I had an errand to run, so after work I drove over to B's house to pass on a book I had promised to loan her (Reaching Out by Henri Nouwen ... which is a spectacular book). Sadly she had not arrived home from work yet, but her very nice and accomidating roommate H was there and welcomed me in for a cup of tea. Although I didn't get my cup of tea (which was 150% okay), I did spend an hour just chatting.
I don't know what it is about me recently, but thats all I have seemed to want to do. As I waited to see B, H and I talked about failed relationships, and what we expected out of future ones. We talked about our futures and our callings, and just shared life.
I guess that living alone - contrary to my previous blog - has its disadvantages. I no longer have these moments with a roommate, and since my instant messaging days have been put to the side, I am feeling more and more isolated.
So who knows who will be the next victum of my desire to share life with, I sure don't. But one thing I do know, is that in the coming days and weeks I am sure I will find out more wonderful things about my friends, and hopefully meet some people who I don't even know yet.
So I put up my glass, and cheers the world, for tommorrow is a new day, and I will be sure to have another adventure.
A rose by any other name ...
Since I am now living alone - which has many benefits - I have converted one of my rooms into a sort of hobby room/study. So, live from my new found study I am writing this blog, and hopefully many more.
Yesterday I decided to delve into the book of Jude. I will admit it is one of those books of the bible that I have bunched in with the minor prophets, Leviticus, and Deuteronomy as books that I don't really read. For me Jude has generally been the book of the bible that I reach and I realize that I page flipped a little too far when searching for some New Testament book.
As part of my study I decided to read it along side of Matthew Henry's Commentary. So, with my bible on one side and my commentary on the other I started into it, and I got two verses, two verses that I would bet most of us have glossed over when looking at Jude.
This letter is from Jude, a slave of Jesus Christ and a brother of James.
I am writing to all who are called to live in the love of God the Father and the care of Jesus Christ.
May you receive more and more of God's mercy, peace, and love.
This is not the most impressive piece biblical literature by any strech of the imagination, but the commentator made an interesting point about this. Supposedly Jude can also be translated as Judas - like the guy who betrayed Jesus. The commentator went on to talk about how Jude could have just changed his name when writing this, or done something to hide who he was; but instead he came out and associated himself with someone who was not very popular at the time.
This really challenged me. I sat there and wondered about how often I try to hide an aspect of me in order to give my arguments more clout. I guess that this has really brought to my light how what Shakespeare wrote was so very true " ... a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." I hope that in the coming days, weeks, months and years ahead I remain true to the who I am, and that I may not be ashamed for what I have done, but live in the truth and peace of God.
Yesterday I decided to delve into the book of Jude. I will admit it is one of those books of the bible that I have bunched in with the minor prophets, Leviticus, and Deuteronomy as books that I don't really read. For me Jude has generally been the book of the bible that I reach and I realize that I page flipped a little too far when searching for some New Testament book.
As part of my study I decided to read it along side of Matthew Henry's Commentary. So, with my bible on one side and my commentary on the other I started into it, and I got two verses, two verses that I would bet most of us have glossed over when looking at Jude.
This letter is from Jude, a slave of Jesus Christ and a brother of James.
I am writing to all who are called to live in the love of God the Father and the care of Jesus Christ.
May you receive more and more of God's mercy, peace, and love.
This is not the most impressive piece biblical literature by any strech of the imagination, but the commentator made an interesting point about this. Supposedly Jude can also be translated as Judas - like the guy who betrayed Jesus. The commentator went on to talk about how Jude could have just changed his name when writing this, or done something to hide who he was; but instead he came out and associated himself with someone who was not very popular at the time.
This really challenged me. I sat there and wondered about how often I try to hide an aspect of me in order to give my arguments more clout. I guess that this has really brought to my light how what Shakespeare wrote was so very true " ... a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." I hope that in the coming days, weeks, months and years ahead I remain true to the who I am, and that I may not be ashamed for what I have done, but live in the truth and peace of God.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
My recent ponderings
Well, I finally have etched out an hour or so to write my thoughts down in this blog, so here I am.
Well the past few weeks have been crazy. I have been so busy it feels and I am being pulled in a million directions.
On November 11th I had my 6th month review, and it was all around good. I knew what my boss was going to say and do even before either of us walked into the room. He told me I was smart, smart enough to do my job great. I rarely have to be told things more than once, and my quality of work and quantity of work was great. The only thing he said was that I needed to work on my interpersonal skills and my empathy towards my coworkers. After he was done talking about this we discussed what my future looked like in Kiewit. What were my goals, where did I want to work, what did I want to do? I hadn't really thought about it much before he mentioned this. I knew what my goals were ... to be a lifetime Kiewit employee. Do I 100% believe that, not necessarily - but I also don't disregard it.
Since this review I have been thinking about his comments about where I need to improve. I guess its something that has been brought up a few times over the past few years for me. I have always wondered why I don't seem to fit in with people, and I have never feel as though I can be comfortable or make people feel comfortable around me outside of the church. For my whole University career I never really seemed to click that well with my fellow students. I never seemed to click with my roommates that I have had over the past few years either. I don't really know why, but that's just the way I have been.
As for where I am going to go from here, well I think it comes down to putting myself out there, being more risky than I have been, and making mistakes along the way.
So that was my review.
Work also has kept me busy with traveling to Fort McMurray last week, which really seemed to throw me "off my game". We flew up on Tuesday night and didn't get into the camp until 11:30pm (and for those of you who are unfamiliar with the 'camp living' up in the oil sands, it is a hybrid between your home and a hotel room). This in and of itself is not bad, but then I had to wake up at 4:30am so that I could have breakfast and be on the bus by 6:45am. From there we got to site and had our training (and we were able to go on a little site tour as well). We left the site at 5:00'ish and didn't get back to Fort McMurray until like 7:45pm. We then went out for supper and finally got back to the hotel at 10:00.
This was all then followed by 8:00am flights to Edmonton, and then a full day of work in the office. While I was out there, around all of my coworkers, I felt so very alone. I just couldn't ever seem to relate to them - which just compounded my thoughts on my friendship and how I relate to people.
So between those two wonderful situations, thats work. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy doing what I do. It is a challenging and interesting job, I just want to know if it is what I am going to do for another 5, 10, 15, 20, or more years. With all of that being said, I did promise myself and God that I would stick it out for one year, so it will be interesting how the next 6 months go - to say the least.
So that is work. Full stop. Lets move on ... please!
I have been pondering a lot of thoughts to do with regards to my Christian walk, being spured on by a few different things. Since I don't know how to put it into new words, I am going to use the words that I wrote down on November 8th:
November 8, 2009
I guess that going up in the Pentacostal church instilled a yearning for "words". I always envied those people for whom ministers or speakers had words or prophecies for - whatever you want to call them.
I remember many years ago, sitting at YMLC (Youth Ministry Leadership Conference) and watching Jessica get 'slain in the spirit'. I alwayts have asked myself: why them, why not me? Am I not important enough for God to speak to me so directly?
Last night this was all brought back to the surface. I sat in the crowd, I stood on stage, and just yearned for attention. (I was at the worship night for College and Career)
The speaker spoke on listening to the Holy Spirit. It reminded me so much about Samuels Mantle. So I started a dialogue, and all of this flodded to the surface.
In response I heard ... " I (God) have given you all that you need for now. These people who I talk to so directly do not. Work on what you have already been given."
Dang! There are sometimes when someone says something and you get knocked down about a million steps - this was one of those times.
Nearly two years ago, a friend of mine gave me a word from God and spoke into my life. It was two pronged. First of all I was called to be a friend of God ... this is defiantly something that I have not been. I haven't even been a good son of God.
The second prong was an image of a dragon. According to Chinese folklore a dragon is a serpant who grabs ahold of a crystal ball, and on this ball was written 'Justice'. I have dropped the ball persay. As I sat there last night, I wondered what is it exactly that I need to grab ahold of. I don't know what it is, I guess I just have to keep on searching.
I still don't know, and I am still searching.
For tonight that is all, I have a million more thoughts .. but sometimes thoughts can't be expressed in any other way than just thoughts.
Thanks for listening.
Well the past few weeks have been crazy. I have been so busy it feels and I am being pulled in a million directions.
On November 11th I had my 6th month review, and it was all around good. I knew what my boss was going to say and do even before either of us walked into the room. He told me I was smart, smart enough to do my job great. I rarely have to be told things more than once, and my quality of work and quantity of work was great. The only thing he said was that I needed to work on my interpersonal skills and my empathy towards my coworkers. After he was done talking about this we discussed what my future looked like in Kiewit. What were my goals, where did I want to work, what did I want to do? I hadn't really thought about it much before he mentioned this. I knew what my goals were ... to be a lifetime Kiewit employee. Do I 100% believe that, not necessarily - but I also don't disregard it.
Since this review I have been thinking about his comments about where I need to improve. I guess its something that has been brought up a few times over the past few years for me. I have always wondered why I don't seem to fit in with people, and I have never feel as though I can be comfortable or make people feel comfortable around me outside of the church. For my whole University career I never really seemed to click that well with my fellow students. I never seemed to click with my roommates that I have had over the past few years either. I don't really know why, but that's just the way I have been.
As for where I am going to go from here, well I think it comes down to putting myself out there, being more risky than I have been, and making mistakes along the way.
So that was my review.
Work also has kept me busy with traveling to Fort McMurray last week, which really seemed to throw me "off my game". We flew up on Tuesday night and didn't get into the camp until 11:30pm (and for those of you who are unfamiliar with the 'camp living' up in the oil sands, it is a hybrid between your home and a hotel room). This in and of itself is not bad, but then I had to wake up at 4:30am so that I could have breakfast and be on the bus by 6:45am. From there we got to site and had our training (and we were able to go on a little site tour as well). We left the site at 5:00'ish and didn't get back to Fort McMurray until like 7:45pm. We then went out for supper and finally got back to the hotel at 10:00.
This was all then followed by 8:00am flights to Edmonton, and then a full day of work in the office. While I was out there, around all of my coworkers, I felt so very alone. I just couldn't ever seem to relate to them - which just compounded my thoughts on my friendship and how I relate to people.
So between those two wonderful situations, thats work. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy doing what I do. It is a challenging and interesting job, I just want to know if it is what I am going to do for another 5, 10, 15, 20, or more years. With all of that being said, I did promise myself and God that I would stick it out for one year, so it will be interesting how the next 6 months go - to say the least.
So that is work. Full stop. Lets move on ... please!
I have been pondering a lot of thoughts to do with regards to my Christian walk, being spured on by a few different things. Since I don't know how to put it into new words, I am going to use the words that I wrote down on November 8th:
November 8, 2009
I guess that going up in the Pentacostal church instilled a yearning for "words". I always envied those people for whom ministers or speakers had words or prophecies for - whatever you want to call them.
I remember many years ago, sitting at YMLC (Youth Ministry Leadership Conference) and watching Jessica get 'slain in the spirit'. I alwayts have asked myself: why them, why not me? Am I not important enough for God to speak to me so directly?
Last night this was all brought back to the surface. I sat in the crowd, I stood on stage, and just yearned for attention. (I was at the worship night for College and Career)
The speaker spoke on listening to the Holy Spirit. It reminded me so much about Samuels Mantle. So I started a dialogue, and all of this flodded to the surface.
In response I heard ... " I (God) have given you all that you need for now. These people who I talk to so directly do not. Work on what you have already been given."
Dang! There are sometimes when someone says something and you get knocked down about a million steps - this was one of those times.
Nearly two years ago, a friend of mine gave me a word from God and spoke into my life. It was two pronged. First of all I was called to be a friend of God ... this is defiantly something that I have not been. I haven't even been a good son of God.
The second prong was an image of a dragon. According to Chinese folklore a dragon is a serpant who grabs ahold of a crystal ball, and on this ball was written 'Justice'. I have dropped the ball persay. As I sat there last night, I wondered what is it exactly that I need to grab ahold of. I don't know what it is, I guess I just have to keep on searching.
I still don't know, and I am still searching.
For tonight that is all, I have a million more thoughts .. but sometimes thoughts can't be expressed in any other way than just thoughts.
Thanks for listening.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
New Beginnings - Day 2
Well today is day 2 of my new online life. I have let go of all instant messaging. That's right I am no longer going to exist in the world of MSN Instant Messaging, Google Talk, or even Facebook chat. For those who know me well this is quite something. I tend to be the one people can always find online.
This however is horrible. When my close friends found out I was doing this they of course inquired to my reasoning. There are many times that I have done crazy things with no apparent reason, but this had reason, I think good reason.
There have been many nights - many late night even - that I have stayed up and watched my MSN contact list like a hawk, yearning for someone to just come online so that I could have contact with them. And I always noticed that I could have great conversations with my friends when they were online; but many times when meeting for coffee in person I couldn't be nearly as open with them, because I wasn't behind my computer screen.
So this is where I have come. I am pulling out 100%. In the past I have done 'fasts' where I cut back to 1 hour per day, or some arbitrary number like that; but I always end up pushing the limits to talk to a friend, and I can't do that.
I will be honest that I am absolutly terriffied about this 'experiment'. I am going to have to adapt, and even my friends will have to adapt to this change.
As for how long this is going to last, I have no idea! But since numbers are needed to keep me accountable, lets say that I won't be on any instant messagning until 2010.
We'll see what comes of this. Stay tuned ....
This however is horrible. When my close friends found out I was doing this they of course inquired to my reasoning. There are many times that I have done crazy things with no apparent reason, but this had reason, I think good reason.
There have been many nights - many late night even - that I have stayed up and watched my MSN contact list like a hawk, yearning for someone to just come online so that I could have contact with them. And I always noticed that I could have great conversations with my friends when they were online; but many times when meeting for coffee in person I couldn't be nearly as open with them, because I wasn't behind my computer screen.
So this is where I have come. I am pulling out 100%. In the past I have done 'fasts' where I cut back to 1 hour per day, or some arbitrary number like that; but I always end up pushing the limits to talk to a friend, and I can't do that.
I will be honest that I am absolutly terriffied about this 'experiment'. I am going to have to adapt, and even my friends will have to adapt to this change.
As for how long this is going to last, I have no idea! But since numbers are needed to keep me accountable, lets say that I won't be on any instant messagning until 2010.
We'll see what comes of this. Stay tuned ....
Saturday, October 10, 2009
A Quoteable Night ...
I was talking to an old friend today, as I am back in Medicine Hat ("the Hat") for this Thanksgiving long weekend.
It was the first time I had seen her since my breakup with Sarah, and she said something that I have been tossing around in my head all day. She said:
" ... I just pray that you meet that someone who just gets you ..."
I never really thought of it that way. I know that I am a ... well .. unique person. I enjoy being this way. It can be fun and exciting, enjoying many aspects of life; but for someone to understand this in my, well I don't think that they are a dime a dozen.
The other thing that got me thinking was that we watched a movie tonight. The premise of the movie was that you need to let go, enjoy life and just be who you are. But it has been a night of quotes, and the one that really got me had to be:
" ... how can you plan life ... "
Its something that I try to do. I have consumed myself with planning out my every step, to know where I am going, and what I am doing for the next hour, the next day, the next week and the next year(s). Is that wrong, I don't think entirely; but I wonder if I have become too consumed with this obsession of my future.
I don't know what the right answer is, maybe I should stop thinking and just do what I want - because I will be honest, there are things in my life that I just don't do because it is too unknown. We'll see where the wind blows, and where it will take me.
I guess its like the movie "Yes Man!". Sometimes we just need to say Yes, but we also shouldn't do it blindly.
I guess the next while I need to focus on what this balance in life is ...
It was the first time I had seen her since my breakup with Sarah, and she said something that I have been tossing around in my head all day. She said:
" ... I just pray that you meet that someone who just gets you ..."
I never really thought of it that way. I know that I am a ... well .. unique person. I enjoy being this way. It can be fun and exciting, enjoying many aspects of life; but for someone to understand this in my, well I don't think that they are a dime a dozen.
The other thing that got me thinking was that we watched a movie tonight. The premise of the movie was that you need to let go, enjoy life and just be who you are. But it has been a night of quotes, and the one that really got me had to be:
" ... how can you plan life ... "
Its something that I try to do. I have consumed myself with planning out my every step, to know where I am going, and what I am doing for the next hour, the next day, the next week and the next year(s). Is that wrong, I don't think entirely; but I wonder if I have become too consumed with this obsession of my future.
I don't know what the right answer is, maybe I should stop thinking and just do what I want - because I will be honest, there are things in my life that I just don't do because it is too unknown. We'll see where the wind blows, and where it will take me.
I guess its like the movie "Yes Man!". Sometimes we just need to say Yes, but we also shouldn't do it blindly.
I guess the next while I need to focus on what this balance in life is ...
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Wild thoughts ...
Well I am back to my cozy, yet empty home. It has been a long day for myself. My whole day has revolved around this evenings College and Career event: Unveiled Faces (previously called Worship Cafe).
I will be honest, I have been struggling with life lately. Trying to stay positive, trying to stay optimistic; its not as easy as it used to be. This combined with the loneliness I have been experienced recently, and so I just closed up like a clam. I have made a bunch of excuses to a bunch of people in the past 24 hours about my mood. They have ranged from me just not knowing what was wrong, to me feeling like I needed to be dutiful and thus I was just being serious, to being tired. To say that these things weren't factors would be wrong, but I defiantly don't think that they are the root.
I don't really know what the root is, and I don't think it really matters. Its now the next day (Sunday night), and I guess that I need to decide what to do, and I think I need to stop feeding this. I don't know what it is, but I know that by trying to be positive I can hopefully come out of this.
So who knows, maybe the tone of my next blog will be the same, but hopefully different.
Thanks for listening to these thoughts.
I will be honest, I have been struggling with life lately. Trying to stay positive, trying to stay optimistic; its not as easy as it used to be. This combined with the loneliness I have been experienced recently, and so I just closed up like a clam. I have made a bunch of excuses to a bunch of people in the past 24 hours about my mood. They have ranged from me just not knowing what was wrong, to me feeling like I needed to be dutiful and thus I was just being serious, to being tired. To say that these things weren't factors would be wrong, but I defiantly don't think that they are the root.
I don't really know what the root is, and I don't think it really matters. Its now the next day (Sunday night), and I guess that I need to decide what to do, and I think I need to stop feeding this. I don't know what it is, but I know that by trying to be positive I can hopefully come out of this.
So who knows, maybe the tone of my next blog will be the same, but hopefully different.
Thanks for listening to these thoughts.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Lonelines ....
Today the College and Career group went to the Edmonton-Saskatchewan game in Commonwealth stadium. It was a great time. There were a ton of people there, the weather cooperated for the most part, and it was some great football.
Now I suppose I should back up some because how does my going to a football game with tens of thousands of people around me relate to loneliness. Well I'm getting there. The past few weeks have of course been a large period of adjustment for me. I am now living alone, something I haven't done in a long time, and I am not looking at changing that for the time being. But as a result of this I have lost something ... a certain companionship in my life. This has been compounded upon my loss of having a girlfriend. With all of this happening I have felt quite alone.
This week has been especially bad for some reason. On Monday night we had the first large group bible study for College and Career. It was a wonderful time, I missed times like that, but I felt as though I was alone. Its the same as work. I am surrounded with people, I talk with them and share part of my life with them, but I feel as though I am alone when I am in these crowds. Now work is work, and its understandable that I don't find my intimacy there, I don't know if many people ever do and I am fine with that - at least for now. Now this large group bible study was great. I met a few wonderful people there, but for me meeting people is not where I find my intimacy, it is one I know them and I we are able to share some of the deeper regions of our lives together.
So tonight as I was watching the game, cheering and having a jolly good time, I found that I was not finding this intimacy there. I was around two of my three closest friends, but it just wasn't doing it for me. Like most College and Career events I expected that afterwords we would go out to some restaurant and just chat. Well it was my luck that this didn't happen (please note the sarcasm).
The interesting thing with life is sometimes things occur for a good reason. I do believe this was one of them. As a result of my eventual early trip home (which was only preceded with a trip to the grocery story and some driving around) I was able to chat with one of my best friends. Although MSN is a poor substitute for the real thing I find that sometimes I am more able to delve into my own thoughts there.
Earlier in the evening, as we were all leaving the game, and I had one of the strongest deja vu moments I have had in a very very long time. It brought me back to a dream, and from that dream I only remembered a few things. First of all through the crowd there was a lady who was dressed in leather, barely crawling through the crowd as she was beaten to a pulp, and there was an egg frying on her back. In lighthearted fun we tried to analyze what in the world this dream could mean. At this point I couldn't believe what it was being translated as. Beth mentioned that the leather could represent some sort of beating. I had no idea how in the world this could relate to me, but as the night continued I reflected more and more on this interpretation I figured out that it was actually spot on.
As I was driving I figured out that the lady was me, her back tanned like leather from a beating. So hot that you could fry an egg on it. The saddest part was that I was the one beating myself, which is so true. It is not uncommon for me to beat up myself right after some comment I make, something I do or what-so-ever.
There is more to say, but its late and I am typing more of this with my eyes closed than open. I don't know if there is anyone listening to this, or if this matters. But in some strange way I feel as if I am connecting to whomever is out there.
-A
Now I suppose I should back up some because how does my going to a football game with tens of thousands of people around me relate to loneliness. Well I'm getting there. The past few weeks have of course been a large period of adjustment for me. I am now living alone, something I haven't done in a long time, and I am not looking at changing that for the time being. But as a result of this I have lost something ... a certain companionship in my life. This has been compounded upon my loss of having a girlfriend. With all of this happening I have felt quite alone.
This week has been especially bad for some reason. On Monday night we had the first large group bible study for College and Career. It was a wonderful time, I missed times like that, but I felt as though I was alone. Its the same as work. I am surrounded with people, I talk with them and share part of my life with them, but I feel as though I am alone when I am in these crowds. Now work is work, and its understandable that I don't find my intimacy there, I don't know if many people ever do and I am fine with that - at least for now. Now this large group bible study was great. I met a few wonderful people there, but for me meeting people is not where I find my intimacy, it is one I know them and I we are able to share some of the deeper regions of our lives together.
So tonight as I was watching the game, cheering and having a jolly good time, I found that I was not finding this intimacy there. I was around two of my three closest friends, but it just wasn't doing it for me. Like most College and Career events I expected that afterwords we would go out to some restaurant and just chat. Well it was my luck that this didn't happen (please note the sarcasm).
The interesting thing with life is sometimes things occur for a good reason. I do believe this was one of them. As a result of my eventual early trip home (which was only preceded with a trip to the grocery story and some driving around) I was able to chat with one of my best friends. Although MSN is a poor substitute for the real thing I find that sometimes I am more able to delve into my own thoughts there.
Earlier in the evening, as we were all leaving the game, and I had one of the strongest deja vu moments I have had in a very very long time. It brought me back to a dream, and from that dream I only remembered a few things. First of all through the crowd there was a lady who was dressed in leather, barely crawling through the crowd as she was beaten to a pulp, and there was an egg frying on her back. In lighthearted fun we tried to analyze what in the world this dream could mean. At this point I couldn't believe what it was being translated as. Beth mentioned that the leather could represent some sort of beating. I had no idea how in the world this could relate to me, but as the night continued I reflected more and more on this interpretation I figured out that it was actually spot on.
As I was driving I figured out that the lady was me, her back tanned like leather from a beating. So hot that you could fry an egg on it. The saddest part was that I was the one beating myself, which is so true. It is not uncommon for me to beat up myself right after some comment I make, something I do or what-so-ever.
There is more to say, but its late and I am typing more of this with my eyes closed than open. I don't know if there is anyone listening to this, or if this matters. But in some strange way I feel as if I am connecting to whomever is out there.
-A
Monday, September 7, 2009
Wilderness ...
Well, I am back into the land of flush toilets, climate controlled rooms, cars, beds, cleanliness and oh so much more.
To tune people in, I just finished a 4-day, 45km trek into the depths of Willmore Wilderness Park. It was a trip that was unforgettable.
It started on Friday. We all met at Matthew Penners (from here on out referred to as Penner) at 12:30'ish. We all completed our last minute packing, and made sure we didn't miss anything. We then piled into Matthew Chute (here on referred to as Chute). The fourth person on this trip was Jeff.
So that was the crew, by 1:30pm we were on the road on our way to Willmore. For those of you who don't know where Willmore is, it is a provincial park that boarders the northern edge of Jasper National Park.
It was about 6:00pm by the time that we reached the trail head, we changed into our hiking clothes and hit the trail. The plan was to hike in about 9 km to the Seep Creek campsite, but like most of the time with Penner and Chute, things rarely go as planned.
So, we ended up hiking in, and we crossed the river and had a nice little dinner break and then decided that we should stop burning daylight and we continued onwards.
As our plan went we pulled out our headlamps and continued our hike in the dark. Somehow we managed to miss the Seep Creek campsite (at 7.5km in), and we continued hiking and hiking.
Now to take a break from the play by play, hiking in the dark, while being quite interesting is:
a) A ton of work!
b) Really cool to be working with just a headlamp, and
c) Even cooler when walking by just moonlight.
Now, in all of this enjoyment we missed the 2nd campsite (Forty-one Mile Creek, 2.5 km past Seep Creek), and at this point we felt as though it had to be about 1:15am'ish, and we were exhausted; so we decided that whatever the next campsite we would be, we would camp. Luckly 1.5km later we came across a little gem, called Carson Creek. Once we arrived we found out that it was actually only 11:00pm.
So, we set up our first camp in the dark. Now, there are some experiences that are an absolute blast when camping, like making fires, but setting up your first camp in the dark is not one of those situations. By the grace of God none of us sprained our ankles or get hurt during the setup of our first camp.
Now for those of you who have hiked in the Alberta parks (namely Jasper and Banff) you know that when you do back country camping you are almost never allowed to have campfires. If this would have been the case on our trip to Willmore I think we would have frozen to death, but for some reason this park allows campfires, and the fire warning was at green so we were good to go!
As we set up the camp we also scrounged up some wood and made a nice little fire to warm ourselves up with. Thankfully in the planning of this trip we had enough fuel to start fires with a bit of fuel, as all of the wood was quite damp.
Eventually, after we had warmed ourselves with hot beverages, beer (in the case of Penner and Jeff who had each carried 3 beers a piece on this trip) and of course just a good ole fashioned huddling around the fire we bed ourselves down for the night.
It was hard to get to sleep at first, but after who knows how long of shivvering in my sleeping bag and piling on the layers I finally managed to eek out some shut eye.
The beginning of day 2 for me was filled with so many aches and pains. The last time I remembered feeling like this was after I had my first football practice of the season (and had not done enough physical activity for the summer). Now, since we had hiked into this site in the dark we didn't realize that we would wake up to our first spectacular view of the mountains. This view defiantly helped compensate for the aches and pains I was feeling.
Since we had missed the Seep creek campsite se decided it would be a good idea to look at the maps and figure out exactly where we were headed, so we pulled out the maps and found out that we had a fairly significant decision to make; would we camp in the pass, in the grove or by the lake. Since I know how this story ends I will let you know that we picked the wrong choice - the pass.
In the initial planning of this trip we were going to camp in the pass and then do a ridge walk and hike out a bit on the 3rd day, and on the 4th day we were going to of course hike out. As we chatted Penner really really wanted to spend at least one night by the lake, but as we continued to talk we figured that we should stick with our origional plan which was to camp inside the mountain pass.
The morning was fairly uneventful. We met a few people on the trail (one guy who said he had done over 100 trips to Willmore, and who was motoring way faster than us) which was met with mixed reviews. On the one hand it was nice to know that there were others around, but on the other hand it was also nice to be away from people.
As the morning came to a close we had our morning snack at a nice little ranger cabin (minus the rangers) and everyone seemed to be in good spirits; all of our aches and pains were now totally gone, the packs seemed to fit a bit better, and we thought that we were going to have our camp set up with plenty of time to relax. We were sadly mistaken.
When I mentioned the grove, that was where we ended up doing lunch. It was a nice little oasis that we found. It was this grove of trees that was elevated in this pasture. As we sat there, chatted, and enjoyed our lunch we figured that we should get a move on because we still weren't at our destination, so we packed up and continued down the trail.
As we kept hiking we started into the Eagles Nest pass, and hiked towards the peak we were still intending on climbing up to. We passed a little campsite, that to me looked great as I was getting tired, but the other guys didn't like it nearly as much as the grove. So with that we kept on going ...
By this point of the day I was starting to really feel exhausted, but I kept trying to push on. A few times Penner asked me if I wanted him to carry my pack, but I was too proud and I wouldn't let him. Finally though I broke down and gave up my pack. We had probably hiked about 3 or 4 km from the grove, and I was sucking wind bad!
Of the whole trip this is probably one of the few parts I will remember in the years to come. Although it was wonderful to see mountains that few people in the world will ever see in real life or in pictures, nothing compared to this.
I have been struggling in my mind recently about life with God, and if that is what I really wanted, and all I could think about after Penner took my pack was that this was what God wanted to do for me. He wanted to take my load and carry it, and that I can't carry my load by myself.
Back to the trip. So after about 500m to 1000m of being pack-free I finally re-shouldered my load and we kept walking in the pass. By this point we were right under Cathedral Peak, and it was awe inspiring, and it was also nerve racking as it was getting dark and there were no good campsites in view that had any type of water source. After hiking for about a kilometer more we decided that we needed to find a spot soon or turn back (the sky was also starting to turn an unpleasant shade of blueish grey). So we got to a meadow that could have turned into a makeshift camp, but still had no water source. At this Matt and Matt ran ahead and when they reported back that there was no water ahead, and that it dropped off a lot.
We all agreed that we should head back out of the pass. By this time my feet were starting to really hurt! I could feel blisters forming on both of my feet, but we needed to just get back to camp so that we didn't have to set too much of the camp up in the dark. On our way out of the pass we actually met two hunters (who were on horseback) and we had a nice little talk with them. They were actually hunting Mountain Sheep, but hadn't bagged anything that day. As we were talking to them it started to rain, so we decided it was time to keep going.
It was another kilometer or so and we were at the grove that we had stopped for lunch at and started to make camp. Right as soon as we got there I dropped my pack and took off my boots. I found out that I had received a blister on my left heel, my left big toe, the ball of my right foot and one under the nail of my big right toe. So I slapped on my sandals for the rest of the night to try and let them repair themselves.
By this time almost all of our camel packs were dry, so Matt and Matt went down to the river to get some water while Jeff and I attempted to set up the camp. We managed to almost get the camp setup before it was dark, but we did have to scrounge for damp wood via headlamp. But for starting the fire, it didn't matter.
A previous camper was nice enough to leave a can of kerosene that was partially full which was a wonderful fire starter for us. We sat down and ate our first set of dehydrated meals by the light of the fire, and relaxed and chatted for a while and turned in for another day.
That night I had a really hard time sleeping. Maybe it was because my feet were rubbing against my sleeping bag. Maybe it was the fact I just wasn't used to being in a sleeping bag, and maybe it was because it rained a few times that woke me up. But for whatever reason I survived and manged to eek out enough rest for the third day.
We started our day with some bannock and oatmeal, packed up our tents, and then decided what our plan was for the day. Since my feet were destroyed we decided to hike out to Carson Creek and camp there instead of doing a short hike into the pass again. So we took a few last looks onto the pass and started to hike on out.
We posed for the picture in front of the range and kept on going. Everything seemed to be going by so much quicker as we were now going down more than we were going up.
This day was filled with a bit more company on the trail, something that we had not wanted. We first ran into some outfitters, who turned out to be quite afraid of me and my yellow shirt and walking poles. So that was interesting to say the least.
After that encounter we had a new friend, a dog, who followed us for a few hundred meters, which was a very encounter. We don't know who the dog belonged to, if it was the outfitter who had passed us, or the two men who we met next (we think it was the outfitters).
These two men have to be the most awkward people we met on this trip. They seemed to be quite curious about if the rangers had been around and who else was in the vicinity. They also happened to be the bearers of bad news. They told us that the outfitters that had passed us had their camp set up in the Carson Creek campground.
When we heard this we were quite sad, but we kept on hiking and praying that these guys were wrong, and that there would be some room for us there. We were sadly mistaken.
When we got there Penner took a look in and it was full up, they had brought in wagons and everything, so we decided we would keep hiking until we found a decent campsite. It was the Forty-Mile Creek Campsite.
It turned out to be a great site! Matt climbed up a tree and made an amazing tree hang for our food. It had a good supply of precut wood, and the best part about it was that no one else was there!
We continued to set up the camp and we realized that this was the first time in the trip that we were actually setting up the camp while it was daylight, all the other times it had been night. We were proud of ourselves for this.
This camp was between the trail and the river, and it was down about 20 or 30 meters of elevation, so it meant that if there were people on the trail they wouldn't stop by and say hi or anything, so we succeeded in finding another secluded location.
During out time we only had one complaint of this campsite ... the wind. We decided that if we every come back to this campsite that we would have to construct some sort of a windscreen.
Since we had some time before we wanted to have supper I decided to make a treat - bannock grilled cheese. I made two patties of bannock, and between them I put some cheese and some pepperoni sticks. Of everything I ate on the whole trip I think it was one of the tastiest, and the other guys would agree (at least thats what they said).
We even got our camp set up so early that we had time to eat our supper in the dusk light. It was at this time that we also found out that we may have overlooked something, our fuel supply. For this trip we had brought two stoves, each with only one canister of gas. We had used Matt's stove primarily for heating water, and mine for making bannock. In doing this we had not managed our fuel well, but we managed to just eek out enough fuel for everything.
So that night we sat down, played a few rounds of President-Janitor (or whatever name you want to call it), made some runes around the fire pit, and just relaxed and enjoyed the mountain air.
We went to sleep - bundeled up again - and had a decent night sleep. It was very very very cold, but we still managed to get enough sleep. In the morning when we took our tents apart, our tent poles had actually frozen!
It was hard to get out of bed, but Matt and Matt made a fire, and so I got out of bed and warmed up by the fire, and then started with the morning tasks. We made our oatmeal and tea and then started to pack everything up. We managed to hit the trail nice and early (by our approximation about 10ish), and we wanted to get back for 6:oo'ish. So that meant we needed to be in the car by about 2:00. We took one last look back at Forty-Mile and we started our way out.
We knew that we would have a river crossing that we would have to cross at about the halfway point of our day, and the closer we got the more and more Penner wanted to build a bridge to cross the river, instead of taking off our boots. So they hiked and hobbled and we got to the river. Between the four of us (mostly them however) we moved a piece of driftwood - pretty much a whole tree - and put it into the river to act as a bridge. Jeff was brave enough to go across the bridge with Penner, but Chute and myself decided to just peel off our socks and slip on our sandals to cross the river. I had actually been looking forward to this part of the trip for a whole day because of the pain that my feet were in.
After we crossed the river, Chute and I dried our feet, and we all had a snack. We were origionally going to have a lunch there, but we thought it would be best to just power through the last leg of the trip.
Of course by this time I was tired and my feet were killing me, and I was continually falling behind, but we kept in going. We took our nice little detour and kept on pushing forward.
Now our minds are wonderful little things, and I had forgotten how much downhill we had had on the first day. During our final last huge hill I was reminded by a little saying I had heard on The Big Bang Theory. "Gravity, thou art a heartless bitch".
As I was climbing this hill that was what was going through my mind. I had also been thinking about something else though. I felt like I was carrying my burden to the foot of the cross. I couldn't shake from my mind that this was what it would have been like for Christ to carry our burdens up to the top of "The Skull". Each step was painful. Each step tired me out the little bit more. But each step also got me closer to where I wanted to be.
The path was rocky and treacherous, but I managed to push through it and get to the top of that hill. From here it felt like it was all downhill. It was great.
We got to the trail head and I just dropped my pack. I felt like I couldn't move. Jeff and Penner had beers waiting in the car which they cracked to celibrate the end of this adventure.
When I look back at it I can't believe I actually completed this hike. 45km, 3.5 days, 3 great guys. It was a recipie for success. It didn't turn out how we had planned it, but it was a blast nonetheless.
To tune people in, I just finished a 4-day, 45km trek into the depths of Willmore Wilderness Park. It was a trip that was unforgettable.It started on Friday. We all met at Matthew Penners (from here on out referred to as Penner) at 12:30'ish. We all completed our last minute packing, and made sure we didn't miss anything. We then piled into Matthew Chute (here on referred to as Chute). The fourth person on this trip was Jeff.
So that was the crew, by 1:30pm we were on the road on our way to Willmore. For those of you who don't know where Willmore is, it is a provincial park that boarders the northern edge of Jasper National Park.
It was about 6:00pm by the time that we reached the trail head, we changed into our hiking clothes and hit the trail. The plan was to hike in about 9 km to the Seep Creek campsite, but like most of the time with Penner and Chute, things rarely go as planned.
So, we ended up hiking in, and we crossed the river and had a nice little dinner break and then decided that we should stop burning daylight and we continued onwards.As our plan went we pulled out our headlamps and continued our hike in the dark. Somehow we managed to miss the Seep Creek campsite (at 7.5km in), and we continued hiking and hiking.
Now to take a break from the play by play, hiking in the dark, while being quite interesting is:
a) A ton of work!
b) Really cool to be working with just a headlamp, and
c) Even cooler when walking by just moonlight.
Now, in all of this enjoyment we missed the 2nd campsite (Forty-one Mile Creek, 2.5 km past Seep Creek), and at this point we felt as though it had to be about 1:15am'ish, and we were exhausted; so we decided that whatever the next campsite we would be, we would camp. Luckly 1.5km later we came across a little gem, called Carson Creek. Once we arrived we found out that it was actually only 11:00pm.
So, we set up our first camp in the dark. Now, there are some experiences that are an absolute blast when camping, like making fires, but setting up your first camp in the dark is not one of those situations. By the grace of God none of us sprained our ankles or get hurt during the setup of our first camp.
Now for those of you who have hiked in the Alberta parks (namely Jasper and Banff) you know that when you do back country camping you are almost never allowed to have campfires. If this would have been the case on our trip to Willmore I think we would have frozen to death, but for some reason this park allows campfires, and the fire warning was at green so we were good to go!
As we set up the camp we also scrounged up some wood and made a nice little fire to warm ourselves up with. Thankfully in the planning of this trip we had enough fuel to start fires with a bit of fuel, as all of the wood was quite damp.
Eventually, after we had warmed ourselves with hot beverages, beer (in the case of Penner and Jeff who had each carried 3 beers a piece on this trip) and of course just a good ole fashioned huddling around the fire we bed ourselves down for the night.
It was hard to get to sleep at first, but after who knows how long of shivvering in my sleeping bag and piling on the layers I finally managed to eek out some shut eye.
The beginning of day 2 for me was filled with so many aches and pains. The last time I remembered feeling like this was after I had my first football practice of the season (and had not done enough physical activity for the summer). Now, since we had hiked into this site in the dark we didn't realize that we would wake up to our first spectacular view of the mountains. This view defiantly helped compensate for the aches and pains I was feeling.Since we had missed the Seep creek campsite se decided it would be a good idea to look at the maps and figure out exactly where we were headed, so we pulled out the maps and found out that we had a fairly significant decision to make; would we camp in the pass, in the grove or by the lake. Since I know how this story ends I will let you know that we picked the wrong choice - the pass.
In the initial planning of this trip we were going to camp in the pass and then do a ridge walk and hike out a bit on the 3rd day, and on the 4th day we were going to of course hike out. As we chatted Penner really really wanted to spend at least one night by the lake, but as we continued to talk we figured that we should stick with our origional plan which was to camp inside the mountain pass.
The morning was fairly uneventful. We met a few people on the trail (one guy who said he had done over 100 trips to Willmore, and who was motoring way faster than us) which was met with mixed reviews. On the one hand it was nice to know that there were others around, but on the other hand it was also nice to be away from people.
As the morning came to a close we had our morning snack at a nice little ranger cabin (minus the rangers) and everyone seemed to be in good spirits; all of our aches and pains were now totally gone, the packs seemed to fit a bit better, and we thought that we were going to have our camp set up with plenty of time to relax. We were sadly mistaken.When I mentioned the grove, that was where we ended up doing lunch. It was a nice little oasis that we found. It was this grove of trees that was elevated in this pasture. As we sat there, chatted, and enjoyed our lunch we figured that we should get a move on because we still weren't at our destination, so we packed up and continued down the trail.
As we kept hiking we started into the Eagles Nest pass, and hiked towards the peak we were still intending on climbing up to. We passed a little campsite, that to me looked great as I was getting tired, but the other guys didn't like it nearly as much as the grove. So with that we kept on going ...By this point of the day I was starting to really feel exhausted, but I kept trying to push on. A few times Penner asked me if I wanted him to carry my pack, but I was too proud and I wouldn't let him. Finally though I broke down and gave up my pack. We had probably hiked about 3 or 4 km from the grove, and I was sucking wind bad!
Of the whole trip this is probably one of the few parts I will remember in the years to come. Although it was wonderful to see mountains that few people in the world will ever see in real life or in pictures, nothing compared to this.
I have been struggling in my mind recently about life with God, and if that is what I really wanted, and all I could think about after Penner took my pack was that this was what God wanted to do for me. He wanted to take my load and carry it, and that I can't carry my load by myself.
Back to the trip. So after about 500m to 1000m of being pack-free I finally re-shouldered my load and we kept walking in the pass. By this point we were right under Cathedral Peak, and it was awe inspiring, and it was also nerve racking as it was getting dark and there were no good campsites in view that had any type of water source. After hiking for about a kilometer more we decided that we needed to find a spot soon or turn back (the sky was also starting to turn an unpleasant shade of blueish grey). So we got to a meadow that could have turned into a makeshift camp, but still had no water source. At this Matt and Matt ran ahead and when they reported back that there was no water ahead, and that it dropped off a lot.We all agreed that we should head back out of the pass. By this time my feet were starting to really hurt! I could feel blisters forming on both of my feet, but we needed to just get back to camp so that we didn't have to set too much of the camp up in the dark. On our way out of the pass we actually met two hunters (who were on horseback) and we had a nice little talk with them. They were actually hunting Mountain Sheep, but hadn't bagged anything that day. As we were talking to them it started to rain, so we decided it was time to keep going.
It was another kilometer or so and we were at the grove that we had stopped for lunch at and started to make camp. Right as soon as we got there I dropped my pack and took off my boots. I found out that I had received a blister on my left heel, my left big toe, the ball of my right foot and one under the nail of my big right toe. So I slapped on my sandals for the rest of the night to try and let them repair themselves.
By this time almost all of our camel packs were dry, so Matt and Matt went down to the river to get some water while Jeff and I attempted to set up the camp. We managed to almost get the camp setup before it was dark, but we did have to scrounge for damp wood via headlamp. But for starting the fire, it didn't matter.A previous camper was nice enough to leave a can of kerosene that was partially full which was a wonderful fire starter for us. We sat down and ate our first set of dehydrated meals by the light of the fire, and relaxed and chatted for a while and turned in for another day.
That night I had a really hard time sleeping. Maybe it was because my feet were rubbing against my sleeping bag. Maybe it was the fact I just wasn't used to being in a sleeping bag, and maybe it was because it rained a few times that woke me up. But for whatever reason I survived and manged to eek out enough rest for the third day.
We started our day with some bannock and oatmeal, packed up our tents, and then decided what our plan was for the day. Since my feet were destroyed we decided to hike out to Carson Creek and camp there instead of doing a short hike into the pass again. So we took a few last looks onto the pass and started to hike on out.
We posed for the picture in front of the range and kept on going. Everything seemed to be going by so much quicker as we were now going down more than we were going up.This day was filled with a bit more company on the trail, something that we had not wanted. We first ran into some outfitters, who turned out to be quite afraid of me and my yellow shirt and walking poles. So that was interesting to say the least.
After that encounter we had a new friend, a dog, who followed us for a few hundred meters, which was a very encounter. We don't know who the dog belonged to, if it was the outfitter who had passed us, or the two men who we met next (we think it was the outfitters).
These two men have to be the most awkward people we met on this trip. They seemed to be quite curious about if the rangers had been around and who else was in the vicinity. They also happened to be the bearers of bad news. They told us that the outfitters that had passed us had their camp set up in the Carson Creek campground.
When we heard this we were quite sad, but we kept on hiking and praying that these guys were wrong, and that there would be some room for us there. We were sadly mistaken.When we got there Penner took a look in and it was full up, they had brought in wagons and everything, so we decided we would keep hiking until we found a decent campsite. It was the Forty-Mile Creek Campsite.
It turned out to be a great site! Matt climbed up a tree and made an amazing tree hang for our food. It had a good supply of precut wood, and the best part about it was that no one else was there!
We continued to set up the camp and we realized that this was the first time in the trip that we were actually setting up the camp while it was daylight, all the other times it had been night. We were proud of ourselves for this.
This camp was between the trail and the river, and it was down about 20 or 30 meters of elevation, so it meant that if there were people on the trail they wouldn't stop by and say hi or anything, so we succeeded in finding another secluded location.During out time we only had one complaint of this campsite ... the wind. We decided that if we every come back to this campsite that we would have to construct some sort of a windscreen.
Since we had some time before we wanted to have supper I decided to make a treat - bannock grilled cheese. I made two patties of bannock, and between them I put some cheese and some pepperoni sticks. Of everything I ate on the whole trip I think it was one of the tastiest, and the other guys would agree (at least thats what they said).
We even got our camp set up so early that we had time to eat our supper in the dusk light. It was at this time that we also found out that we may have overlooked something, our fuel supply. For this trip we had brought two stoves, each with only one canister of gas. We had used Matt's stove primarily for heating water, and mine for making bannock. In doing this we had not managed our fuel well, but we managed to just eek out enough fuel for everything.
So that night we sat down, played a few rounds of President-Janitor (or whatever name you want to call it), made some runes around the fire pit, and just relaxed and enjoyed the mountain air.
We went to sleep - bundeled up again - and had a decent night sleep. It was very very very cold, but we still managed to get enough sleep. In the morning when we took our tents apart, our tent poles had actually frozen!
It was hard to get out of bed, but Matt and Matt made a fire, and so I got out of bed and warmed up by the fire, and then started with the morning tasks. We made our oatmeal and tea and then started to pack everything up. We managed to hit the trail nice and early (by our approximation about 10ish), and we wanted to get back for 6:oo'ish. So that meant we needed to be in the car by about 2:00. We took one last look back at Forty-Mile and we started our way out.We knew that we would have a river crossing that we would have to cross at about the halfway point of our day, and the closer we got the more and more Penner wanted to build a bridge to cross the river, instead of taking off our boots. So they hiked and hobbled and we got to the river. Between the four of us (mostly them however) we moved a piece of driftwood - pretty much a whole tree - and put it into the river to act as a bridge. Jeff was brave enough to go across the bridge with Penner, but Chute and myself decided to just peel off our socks and slip on our sandals to cross the river. I had actually been looking forward to this part of the trip for a whole day because of the pain that my feet were in.
After we crossed the river, Chute and I dried our feet, and we all had a snack. We were origionally going to have a lunch there, but we thought it would be best to just power through the last leg of the trip.
Of course by this time I was tired and my feet were killing me, and I was continually falling behind, but we kept in going. We took our nice little detour and kept on pushing forward.Now our minds are wonderful little things, and I had forgotten how much downhill we had had on the first day. During our final last huge hill I was reminded by a little saying I had heard on The Big Bang Theory. "Gravity, thou art a heartless bitch".
As I was climbing this hill that was what was going through my mind. I had also been thinking about something else though. I felt like I was carrying my burden to the foot of the cross. I couldn't shake from my mind that this was what it would have been like for Christ to carry our burdens up to the top of "The Skull". Each step was painful. Each step tired me out the little bit more. But each step also got me closer to where I wanted to be.
The path was rocky and treacherous, but I managed to push through it and get to the top of that hill. From here it felt like it was all downhill. It was great.
We got to the trail head and I just dropped my pack. I felt like I couldn't move. Jeff and Penner had beers waiting in the car which they cracked to celibrate the end of this adventure.
When I look back at it I can't believe I actually completed this hike. 45km, 3.5 days, 3 great guys. It was a recipie for success. It didn't turn out how we had planned it, but it was a blast nonetheless.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
One Week
"So the question becomes ... and should have been all along ... what would you do if you knew that you only had one day, or one week or one month to live. What lifeboat would you grab onto, what secret would you tell, what band would you see, what person would you declare your love to, what wish would you fulfill, what exotic local would you fly to for coffee. What book would you write?"
In my own life I have been wondering what my life has come to. Why am I here? What is my purpose? How am I spending my time?
I don't know what this is all going to turn into ... but its a journey and I have no idea whats around the next corner. But I am excited to see ...
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