New Beginnings - Day 2

Well today is day 2 of my new online life. I have let go of all instant messaging. That's right I am no longer going to exist in the world of MSN Instant Messaging, Google Talk, or even Facebook chat. For those who know me well this is quite something. I tend to be the one people can always find online.

This however is horrible. When my close friends found out I was doing this they of course inquired to my reasoning. There are many times that I have done crazy things with no apparent reason, but this had reason, I think good reason.

There have been many nights - many late night even - that I have stayed up and watched my MSN contact list like a hawk, yearning for someone to just come online so that I could have contact with them. And I always noticed that I could have great conversations with my friends when they were online; but many times when meeting for coffee in person I couldn't be nearly as open with them, because I wasn't behind my computer screen.

So this is where I have come. I am pulling out 100%. In the past I have done 'fasts' where I cut back to 1 hour per day, or some arbitrary number like that; but I always end up pushing the limits to talk to a friend, and I can't do that.

I will be honest that I am absolutly terriffied about this 'experiment'. I am going to have to adapt, and even my friends will have to adapt to this change.

As for how long this is going to last, I have no idea! But since numbers are needed to keep me accountable, lets say that I won't be on any instant messagning until 2010.

We'll see what comes of this. Stay tuned ....

A Quoteable Night ...

I was talking to an old friend today, as I am back in Medicine Hat ("the Hat") for this Thanksgiving long weekend.

It was the first time I had seen her since my breakup with Sarah, and she said something that I have been tossing around in my head all day. She said:

" ... I just pray that you meet that someone who just gets you ..."

I never really thought of it that way. I know that I am a ... well .. unique person. I enjoy being this way. It can be fun and exciting, enjoying many aspects of life; but for someone to understand this in my, well I don't think that they are a dime a dozen.

The other thing that got me thinking was that we watched a movie tonight. The premise of the movie was that you need to let go, enjoy life and just be who you are. But it has been a night of quotes, and the one that really got me had to be:

" ... how can you plan life ... "

Its something that I try to do. I have consumed myself with planning out my every step, to know where I am going, and what I am doing for the next hour, the next day, the next week and the next year(s). Is that wrong, I don't think entirely; but I wonder if I have become too consumed with this obsession of my future.

I don't know what the right answer is, maybe I should stop thinking and just do what I want - because I will be honest, there are things in my life that I just don't do because it is too unknown. We'll see where the wind blows, and where it will take me.

I guess its like the movie "Yes Man!". Sometimes we just need to say Yes, but we also shouldn't do it blindly.

I guess the next while I need to focus on what this balance in life is ...

Wild thoughts ...

Well I am back to my cozy, yet empty home. It has been a long day for myself. My whole day has revolved around this evenings College and Career event: Unveiled Faces (previously called Worship Cafe).

I will be honest, I have been struggling with life lately. Trying to stay positive, trying to stay optimistic; its not as easy as it used to be. This combined with the loneliness I have been experienced recently, and so I just closed up like a clam. I have made a bunch of excuses to a bunch of people in the past 24 hours about my mood. They have ranged from me just not knowing what was wrong, to me feeling like I needed to be dutiful and thus I was just being serious, to being tired. To say that these things weren't factors would be wrong, but I defiantly don't think that they are the root.

I don't really know what the root is, and I don't think it really matters. Its now the next day (Sunday night), and I guess that I need to decide what to do, and I think I need to stop feeding this. I don't know what it is, but I know that by trying to be positive I can hopefully come out of this.

So who knows, maybe the tone of my next blog will be the same, but hopefully different.

Thanks for listening to these thoughts.