Discipline and Renewal. For years I have studied different expressions of discipline, and further on Merton discusses the importance of it. Early in my own personal renewal I found Richard Foster's book "Celebration of Discipline" as a wonderful introduction to the idea of discipline, and how much farther it reached then just reading your bible and praying.
While I have some progress in the practicing of spiritual disciplines, I found this section of the book still quite challenging and through provoking. Even how he describes discipline has made me reconsider what my intentions are in acting out spiritual disciplines.
The purpose of discipline is then not only to help us "turn on" and understand the inner dimensions of existence, but to transform us in Christ in such a way that we completely transcend our routine existence.
Transcendence of our routine existence. Powerful words! And through these words there is much expectation we have, and while we can try harder at them in order to move past a routine existence, it ultimately comes down to the grace of God to work in our lives. We cannot change by our own strength, we can only really hinder His work in our lives.
The ones who wait for the Lord must have oil in their lamps and the lamps must be trimmed. That is what discipline is all about. It implies the cultivation of certain inner conditions of awareness, of openness, of readiness for the new and the unexpected.
To be honest, I don't often expect much from God. The new and unexpected seem like wonderful concepts, but so often I am more than happy to just live in my comfortable life and not want anything new. I heard a story about girl who was on a worship team, and this man tells of how she always seemed to connect with God when she worshiped, and he wondered about this. Eventually he asked her and she said that she asked God to reveal himself in a new way each time. For why would you want a painter to only ever give you the same paintings you have seen before; why not ask him for a new masterpiece.
It is a continual challenge for me, to push the sides of the box that I put God in. I doubt my ability to take God out of the box I put Him in. I feel as though there will always be some bounds I put on Him; but by His grace and mercy I do pray that I will be able to allow the box to stretch.
For the discipline of prayer is not a matter of forcing the issue and getting what you want, but of learning the ways of the spirit and of grace, and of being ready and open to respond to the unpredictable working of a God whose ways are "not our ways."
Prayer. It is the cornerstone of what many consider discipline to be, as it seems that only when we are disciplined do we pray. I have so much I want to say, but I am going to resist. In my summer reading I have read Richard Fosters "Prayer" which has provided a lot more insight into the discipline of prayer. So for now I will leave this saying that while prayer is something we must 'work' at, it is also something that we make much more complicated than it needs to be.
And so the question of what is it all good for? Why do we worry ourselves about discipline and renewing ourselves. For me, I have learned over the past year how important goals are for me, and with discipline we so often get the goal mixed up. Merton makes two statement which really challenge how I describe the goals now:
The real function of disciple is not to provide us with maps but to sharpen our own sense of direction so that when we really get going we can travel without maps.
... without discipline our quest, which seeks typically to explore regions of faith, of love, of experience and of existence beyond the limits of ordinary routine, can never lead to anything serious.
As a child I wanted to move into our basement. I wanted to seclude myself in there so that I could be a mad scientist and have my own lab. My parents - wisely - thought that this was a bad idea and moved on with their life, but for me I have always had similar feelings. I have felt that there is an importance of drawing away for my own self improvement; but through the below passage and several other comments and questions made during the past year I have found that this is so not the case. The solitude that I see is not for myself in the sense that it makes me better for myself; instead the solitude that truly fulfills me will be the solitude that gives me the strength and resources to give and pour out.
Discipline means solitude of some sort, not in the sense of selfish withdrawal but in the sense of an emptiness that no longer cherishes the comfort of various social "idols" and is not slavishly dependent on the approval of others. In such solitude one learns not to seek love but to give it. One's great need is now no longer to be loved, understood, accepted, pardoned, but to love, to pardon, and to accept others just as they are, in order to help them transcend themselves in love.
When it all boils down and we look at how we should be reacting I think that Merton sums it up so well by saying: Our discipline should lead us to discover not how right we are but how wrong we are.
As I ask one of my friends (and he thus asks me), "What are you going to do about it?". I am going to keep focusing on my actions and my pouring out. My life, at least currently, has a lot of solitude built into it and so the withdrawal from the crowds to practice discipline is not that hard, but what I find difficult is determining what I am going to invest myself into in the fall.
Last night I was talking with a close friend and during the conversation the question came up about where I was going to invest my time in September when ministries start up again. One of the actions I felt from my small group this year was to mentor someone, as well as an urge to start - or help start - a small group. Outside of these I do feel the need to invest in myself and in my physical activity in whatever way that looks. And then there are numerous other ministries which I feel I could help with.
Lord,
Thank you for blessing me with solitude. It is such a great gift to have! As Merton describes, let the disciplines you have lead me to allow me to discover how wrong I am. Out of the time I do spend in solitude and discipline, lead me into the areas in which you have designed for me to work in; and allow me the strength and courage to say no to the other things which would push in.
You son,
A
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