1. Who is God?
2. Who am I?
3. Who has God created me to be?
Those 3 simple questions have been coming back time and time again over the past year. But in less than 2 weeks this journey will end.
To go through all I have learned would take too long. I am so much more a person now then I was when I started, that I know.
As the curriculum ends I am now starting down a path of my own leading. This summer I am setting out to read a number of books written by Thomas Merton. When I met with my mentor last week he inquired as to how I would process the material. As such I am going to blog about it. To put my thoughts into words and therein I can visualize and have a record of what I have learned.
The first book I have already finished, it was "Contemplation in a World of Action". When I had ordered the books that I was going to read this summer, I didn't know which one to pick first, so I picked one of the thicker ones - as I will be taking the thinner ones backpacking with me hopefully. Upon reading this I have found out that it was his first "post-humanous" book published. Thomas Merton - a Trappist monk - died in the late 1960's, and this book was published a few years after his death.
The overview of the book is that the monastic life has lost much of its relevancy to modern culture. The rules, the liturgy, the vows, it was set up for a faith in Medieval times; not the 21st Century. As such he discusses the reformation that must happen in order for the contemplative life to survive the next generation. While this book is focused on the monastic life, many of its concepts apply to those of us who exist outside of this life.
Tonight I will look at some of the quotes from the first chapter: "Problems and Prospects".
I guess the first thing we should talk about is the "Contemplative Life". What is this? Months ago as I was discussing my upcoming study on Merton with people I talked about this with a man who was much older and wiser than I. He advised me that this path of the contemplative life is not an easy one. It is based on a life that is focused on Christ, to the point that you are forced to sacrifice parts of your life. All Christians are called to a life of contemplation to varying levels, but as mentioned in this first chapter, quiet and solitude are ruined by the movement of crowds. Quiet and solitude are two major parts of a contemplation, for we must retreat as Christ did to those places away from the crowds to truly find His heart.
This retreat away from the crowds is hard. I thought it was easy, but this weekend as I relaxed on a hammock (due to a sprained ankle on the trails the day prior), and while the crowds had disappeared I yearned for someone to sit on a chair and just exist with me. There is so much emptiness when we truly go into these desert places.
The specific value that draws a Christian into the "desert" and "solitude" (whether or not he remains physically "in the world") is a deep sense that God alone suffices.
That is really what it boils down to. God suffices. I am at fault - as I think many of us are - that my goal in life is not to rely on God, instead it is to build up a life in which I don't need to rely on Him. This concept of a contemplative life in which we pull away from the world and move into a place of desert-ness in which we are forced to take steps of faith is simply based in our trust in God that He is all we need.
But in all of this, it is so easy for
God does not need an ideal situation in order to carry out his work in our hearts. If we do what we can with the means and grace at our disposal, if we sincerely take advantage of our genuine opportunities, the Spirit will be there an his love will not fail us.
It is easy to wait for everything to be ordered. Instead this idea of the "Sunday best" permeates our lives. In order to pray I often feel I have to be seated in the quiet with my eyes closed, as any distraction may scare God away. Is He not present at all times? When I go to my earthly father I come as I am. Dirt under my nails, teeth not brushed (yet), and distracted. There is no need to pretend and bring to Him someone we are not.
Lord,
You know me. You were the One who created me, your little child. I want to come to you more as I am, not as I want to be. Allow me the courage to come to you when the situation is ideal - when I am hungry, tired, and dirty. Help me move my life - piece by piece - more in line with trusting you, so that it demonstrates a life that is based on only You sufficing.
Amen
Challenging post! I look forward to reading more of your insights. I find your connection between desert and solitude particularly interesting. Usually when I think of deserts in the Christian walk, I think of an absence of God. On the contrary, Jesus often encountered God and His power most significantly when he went into the desert for solitude. He intentionally sought the place and space where he longed for God and truly needed God beyond his own strength or the strength of those around him. This is definitely a discipline that is tough because it requires sacrifice and trust.
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